Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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