Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
