I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
