I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
