If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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