I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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