And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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