alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
