maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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