At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
