you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
