Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
