What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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