Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
