Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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