everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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