You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this boner is exhausting
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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