Don't make out with my wife yet
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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