im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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