apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
