My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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