I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
