i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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