marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
