So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
