Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
