it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
