I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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