Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
