ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
