Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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