I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
