Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
