WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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