I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we're so committed to being not committed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
