it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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