none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
