You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
