my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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