Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think your dad took our porno
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
