Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
