I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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