no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
