Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
