my sisters under your porch take her home
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
