i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
