Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
