just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
