remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said her name was "party"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
