Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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