'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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