in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
